At some stage, most people come to realize the amazing
and very often profound effect that animals can have
on our mood and emotions and there are some pretty
incredible but also true stories of how medical scientists
are discovering some animals that can actually detect
the beginnings of disease in humans in the very early
stages of onset.
Our animals can also be trained to help and support
many of us that have disabilities, especially for those
who have lost their sight.
Animals can `feel emotion' just like we humans can,
besides loving, nurturing and caring for their own young.
So let us enjoy our animals and pets by sharing our photos,
pictures and graphics of them all,
the long, the short and the tall.
So a male fly notices a rather attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure.
The male fly swoops down next to her and says, "Excuse me love, but is this stool taken?"
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Fin...ally, John was... fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked, kicked, and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.
So, there is a lot of talk about kids identifying as cats or dogs “furries”, and this is hilarious. Imagine if you can, that one of my boys told me they thought they were a cat?
Sitting at the supper table son says: “Dad, I think I’m a cat!
Dad: “No son, you’re a boy! “
My son: “No dad some of my friends at school identify as cats, they call themselves furries, and so do I !! It’s my right and you can’t do anything about it!”
Dad: “OK!! “
My son: “Hey, where’s my supper?
Dad: “Your supper is in the catfood bowl in the corner. Now get off the table you mangy cat!”
My son: “What???”
Dad: hits him with a broom, “get off the table furball!!”
My son in the corner looking bewildered!
Me to my wife : “Is that cat neutered”??
My wife: “I will make an appointment!! “
My son: “What???
Dad: “Your mother and I have decided we don’t want a house cat, so get out to the barn and hunt mice!”
My son: “What???”
Dad: brandishes broom, “NOW, to the barn you stupid cat!!”
My son: “Dad, I think I’m a boy!”
Dad: “I thought so, now sit down and eat your supper!!”
Spay and neuter these animals. Stop them from reproducing. Today’s society has enough fruit loops already.
End of story!
A Los Angeles driver on the 101 freeway hit a dear. He knew right away that it was a Hollywood deer. It had a fake rack.
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to New York and then on west to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach... only to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
DOGS THOUGHTS--10 Dog peeves about humans
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these thing's, We both know who's boss here (you don't see me picking up your poop do you ) ???