As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a damn anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are now mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
14. If I was meant to touch my toes, they'd have been put on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. HAVE I POSTED THIS BEFORE? Or did I get it from you?
Being a senior when Daylight Savings Time ends is a challenge. I got up and changed the clocks, my husband came down and changed the same clocks. A little while later, I forgot if I changed the clocks so I changed them again. My husband did the same. This went on for a couple of hours. It is now yesterday in my house.
What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?
A receding hare line.
"…[Christmas and] the [winter] holidays…[are], as my friend Connie says, 'an annual festival put on by women for the enjoyment of men and children.'"
~~from Yeah, No. Not Happening: How I Found Happiness Swearing Off Self-Improvement and Saying F*ck It All—and How You Can Too by Karen Karbo