Child Chatter - TBD2024-03-28T16:11:35Zhttp://teebeedee.ning.com/forum/topics/child-chatter?groupUrl=keeplaughing&commentId=1991841%3AComment%3A1850002&x=1&feed=yes&xn_auth=noThree sons left home, went ou…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2023-12-14:1991841:Comment:20179082023-12-14T20:32:20.064ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church<br></br> 12…</p>
<p>Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church<br/> 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."</p> tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2023-10-31:1991841:Comment:20168742023-10-31T18:14:12.324ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12256837678?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12280886653?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="300" class="align-full"/></a></p>
<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12256837678?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/12280886653?profile=RESIZE_710x" width="300" class="align-full"/></a></p> CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OC…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2023-06-27:1991841:Comment:20131222023-06-27T09:22:06.154ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN<br></br> 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) <br></br> 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) <br></br> 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7) <br></br> 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)<br></br> 5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of…</p>
<p>CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN<br/> 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) <br/> 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) <br/> 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7) <br/> 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)<br/> 5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 6} <br/> 6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)<br/> 7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)<br/> 8}- Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6) <br/> 9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6) <br/> 10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7) <br/> 11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6) <br/> 12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age <br/> 13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7) <br/> 14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6) <br/> 15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)</p> A young man was visiting his…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2022-04-14:1991841:Comment:20022332022-04-14T12:38:39.266ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake some cupcakes:<br></br> After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.<br></br> "The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite and said. "Timmy these are so good."<br></br> As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little…</p>
<p>A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake some cupcakes:<br/> After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.<br/> "The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite and said. "Timmy these are so good."<br/> As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get the icing so neat?"<br/> His nephew replied. "It was easy. I just licked them."<br/> The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. "You licked all of these?"<br/> Timmie replied. "Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help."</p> Daddy's car in the woods? Li…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2022-03-01:1991841:Comment:20013582022-03-01T17:13:09.187ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>Daddy's car in the woods? <br></br> Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. <br></br> Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he…</p>
<p>Daddy's car in the woods? <br/> Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. <br/> Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..." <br/> At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper <br/> time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." <br/> At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army." <br/> Mummy fainted!<br/> Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!</p> Johnny walked into class with…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2022-02-27:1991841:Comment:20010272022-02-27T20:45:39.891ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>Johnny walked into class with a black eye.<br></br> Teacher: what's wrong?<br></br> Johnny: my house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed.<br></br> Every night, my dad asks, "johnny are u sleeping?" Then i say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.<br></br> Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer.<br></br> The following morning, Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again.<br></br> Teacher: My goodness! Why the black eye again?<br></br> Johnny: dad…</p>
<p>Johnny walked into class with a black eye.<br/> Teacher: what's wrong?<br/> Johnny: my house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed.<br/> Every night, my dad asks, "johnny are u sleeping?" Then i say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.<br/> Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer.<br/> The following morning, Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again.<br/> Teacher: My goodness! Why the black eye again?<br/> Johnny: dad asked me again, Johnny are u sleeping? & i shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mum started moving, u know, at the same time mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed.<br/> Then my dad asked my mum, "are u coming?"<br/> Mum said, "yes, i'm coming, r u coming too?"<br/> Dad answered, "yes."<br/> They don't usually go anywhere without me so i said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!!.</p> Children in Church A little…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2022-02-21:1991841:Comment:20008372022-02-21T13:47:58.321ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>Children in Church <br></br> A little boy was in a relative's wedding.<br></br> As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps,<br></br> stop, and turn to the crowd.<br></br> While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.<br></br> So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.<br></br> As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard<br></br> by the time he reached the pulpit.<br></br> When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and…</p>
<p>Children in Church <br/> A little boy was in a relative's wedding.<br/> As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps,<br/> stop, and turn to the crowd.<br/> While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.<br/> So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.<br/> As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard<br/> by the time he reached the pulpit.<br/> When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,<br/> "I was being the Ring Bear." <br/> One Sunday in a small West Texas town, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.<br/> The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.<br/> Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.<br/> Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" <br/> One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." <br/> A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." <br/> A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"<br/> One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." <br/> The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.<br/> Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.<br/> After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" <br/> Six-year old Angie , and her four-year old brother, Joel , were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.<br/> Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."<br/> "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.<br/> Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." <br/> My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"<br/> I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"<br/> "You're both old," he replied. <br/> A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.<br/> Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking,<br/> "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the <br/> King James Virgin ?" <br/> A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.<br/> They were ready to discuss the last one.<br/> The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.<br/> Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,<br/> "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."</p> that could be painful.
tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2021-12-14:1991841:Comment:19975352021-12-14T01:55:52.176Zflippr 2.0http://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/flipper
<p><em>that could be painful.<br/></em></p>
<p></p>
<p><em>that could be painful.<br/></em></p>
<p></p> When a father asked his littl…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2021-12-13:1991841:Comment:19977002021-12-13T22:34:22.237ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>When a father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy replied, “A baby sister.”<br/> As it turned out, the wife was pregnant, and delivered on Christmas Eve.<br/> On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.<br/> The next year, when the father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy said .......<br/> “If it wouldn’t make mummy too uncomfortable, I’d like a pony.”</p>
<p>When a father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy replied, “A baby sister.”<br/> As it turned out, the wife was pregnant, and delivered on Christmas Eve.<br/> On Christmas day she brought home a brand new baby sister for their son.<br/> The next year, when the father asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas, the boy said .......<br/> “If it wouldn’t make mummy too uncomfortable, I’d like a pony.”</p> A little girl from Texas went…tag:teebeedee.ning.com,2021-11-30:1991841:Comment:19966312021-11-30T04:06:24.993ZAggiehttp://teebeedee.ning.com/profile/Aggie
<p>A little girl from Texas went to church for the first time ever when she was visiting her grandparents in Michigan. When the pastor announced it was time for the Lord's Supper, she was excited–and hungry.. The congregation filed up to the altar rail, and the child watched in confusion as her grandparents received a wafer and small plastic cup of wine. She could hardly wait to get back to the pew to tell her grandma that Jesus wasn't from Texas.<br></br> "How do you know that, dear?" asked her…</p>
<p>A little girl from Texas went to church for the first time ever when she was visiting her grandparents in Michigan. When the pastor announced it was time for the Lord's Supper, she was excited–and hungry.. The congregation filed up to the altar rail, and the child watched in confusion as her grandparents received a wafer and small plastic cup of wine. She could hardly wait to get back to the pew to tell her grandma that Jesus wasn't from Texas.<br/> "How do you know that, dear?" asked her grandma.<br/> "Because that was the poorest meal I've ever seen" she said. "Mama would've at least given everybody some corn bread and sweet tea."</p>