Whether the kids are at school. or at home, at Granma's & Granpa's,
helping out with the shopping, being quiet in Church,
at a friend's party or even playing sports -
more often than not,
some of them are liable to drop a 'gem' or a 'clanger'
at the oddest moments, so please share in the laughs.
People are funny; they want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and back of the church.
Kids On Love
Kids confidential opinions about love:
I'm not rushing into love,
I'm finding fourth grade hard enough. (age 10)
Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place.
We were behind a tree. (age 7)
What people are thinking when they say I love you:
The person is thinking, "Yeah, I really do love him,
but I hope he showers at least once a day. (age 9)
Some lovers might be real nervous so they are glad
that they finally got it out
and said it, and now they can go eat. (age 7)
Why love happens between certain people:
One of the people has freckles so he finds
someone who has freckles too. (age 6)
No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something
to do with how you smell. That's why perfume
and deodorant are so popular. (age 9)
I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or
something, but the
rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful. (age 8)
How to make love last:
Spend most of your time loving,
instead of going to work.(age 8)
Don't forget your wife's name,
that will mess up love. (age 8)
Be a good kisser, it might make your wife
forget that you never take out the trash.(age 9)
Falling in love is like an avalanche
where you have to run for your life. (age 9)
If you want to be loved by somebody
who isn't already in your family,
it doesn't hurt to be beautiful. (age 9)
When a person gets kissed for the first time
they fall down and don't get up for at least an hour. (age 8)
To make a person fall in love with you,
shake your hips and hope for the best. (age 8)
The following was written by children,
no corrections have been made.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, and a ball of fire by night.
The Egyptians were drowned in the desert.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
Solomon, one of David's sons had 300 wives and 300 porcupines.
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed
to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the twelve decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should only have one spouse. This is called monotony.
Flummoxed by his true-false final exam, a student decides to toss a coin up in the air. Heads means true; tails, false. Thirty minutes later he’s done, well before the rest of the class. But then the student starts flipping the coin again. And soon he’s swearing and sweating over each question. “What’s wrong?” asks the concerned teacher. “I’m rechecking my answers,” says the student.
He might have had one of those double-headed coins aye? lol!
Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.
The next day, I talked to the children and said it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.
They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"
"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted.
The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps,
stop, and turn to the crowd.
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard
by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,
"I was being the Ring Bear."
One Sunday in a small West Texas town, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Six-year old Angie , and her four-year old brother, Joel , were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."