I feel serious this morning......I try not to let it happen too often.
I often think of the ironies in life. As a young man I was socialized to believe that the 'normal' way to live was to fall in love, marry, raise a family, and live happily ever-after. That was my goal and I attempted to achieve it.......I actually attempted it twice.....I'm no quitter. As a young man in my twenties I married. I had no appreciation for how complicated relationships could be and I lacked both an understanding of myself and little understanding of the needs of my partner. After 16 years our relationship was beyond repair. At 45 years old I had a somewhat better, though not a complete understanding of myself, and I remarried. I took some of the lessons I learned from my 1st marriage and applied them to my 2nd marriage....then I learned a new lesson - that many of the things I learned from my 1st marriage didn't apply to the 2nd marriage...the dynamics were different. After 3 tumultuos years I had an epiphany.....o.k., I'm a guy.......it was somewhat short of an epiphany...actually, I said outloud (to myself) 'I can't believe I f-cking did this again'......and straight to my lawyer I went.
I have now been single for almost 20 years. Some of the best years of my life. What I find ironic is that I have never been better suited for marriage. I have gained more of an appreciation of gender differences and have a much better understanding of my own personal strengths and weaknesses. Yet that has also brought me to the understanding that I enjoy my own company most of all and that I thrive on solitude. By outward appearances I thrive in social situations. I'm articulate, witty, am actually a good listener, and do have a strong social conscience.......I genuinely like people.....but my energy gets sapped after a few hours, my interest in socializing wanes, and I want to be by myself.......and by myself I most likely will stay...by choice....rather than by training.
Just thinking out loud...